18 Mar 2018 9:07pm
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NZDating Safety Tips

Online Dating used correctly is a safe and secure experience. Please read our safety tips and suggestions

In today's busy world, people from all walks of life recognise the clear advantages Internet Dating can provide (in fact NZDating has provided many thousands of relationships and even marriages!), however just as in the 'offline' world there are certain precautions that should be taken when dealing with people that are not known well to you.

Use Common Sense

While the vast majority of people using Internet services such as NZDating are normal and law-abiding; (in fact statistics tell us that these users are often highly educated, white-collar workers that earn above average incomes), unfortunately the Internet - just like the 'offline' world does have its share of unscrupulous users lurking in dark corners waiting to take advantage of trusting or naive people.

Our best advice is to use common sense as you would everywhere else. Don't be overly paranoid but always stay alert. If something or someone sounds too good to be true then they probably are. Remember your safety is far more important than one person's opinion of you.

Protect your Personal Information

Always protect your personal information. Nobody needs to know your real name, phone number, home address, workplace, email address or any other personal information that could be used to identify you until you are comfortable to share this information. NZDating provides an internal email/message system specifically for you to remain protected while giving you the ability to communicate with other users to learn more about them before deciding on whether or not to take the relationship further by sharing email addresses or phone numbers.

Communicate using NZDating

If you have no reason to take a conversation outside of NZDating you are best to communicate using the NZDating systems. In extreme cases messages sent using NZDating systems can be traced and appropriate action taken, whereas external mail services may not be possible to validate and may fall outside of the NZ legal system. In addition giving out your personal external email address may reveal a lot more personal information than you realise. Often people don't realise that the simple case of giving out a free email address (such as Hotmail or Yahoo) - can ultimately reveal your phone number and address to a skilled computer operator (and that's even if you never submitted this information to the email service!)

Be Honest and Expect Honesty

Always be honest. While you should not provide your real name or other identifiable information, don't mislead other members about other aspects of your life or on what you expect in a relationship. Remember that there are real people at the other end of the computer connections, and just like the offline world, lying or otherwise misleading people may result in hurt or angry feelings.

You should also watch carefully for other members being dishonest. Make sure that they provide consistent age, interests, employment and marital status. Be aware that indirect answers to direct questions may indicate dishonesty.

Don't be afraid to ask lots of questions. NZDating keeps profiles brief, allowing a great deal of scope in asking lots of basic questions. Repeating portions of questions or re-asking questions already covered in their profile will help you detect liars and cons, while helping you work out if you are compatible.

Offensive Messages

Don't reply to rude or abusive messages, the best action for such abuse is to block the user so that they are unable to contact you again. In addition NZDating allows you to automatically block members who have been blocked by a specified number of other members, so your action in blocking someone helps other members avoid that person too. Blocking a person effectively adds your vote that they are not worth talking to. If you think that members you have blocked have signed up under another address to abuse you please let us know.

Watch for Warning Signs

Watch for warning signs by paying attention to any displays of anger, excessive frustration, or attempts to pressure or control you. Members acting in a passive-aggressive manner, making demeaning or insulting comments may be exhibiting warning signs. Often letting a friend read over your messages is a good idea as they may spot warning signs you have missed. Equally true in a bar or nightclub, don't believe everything you read or hear online, as people can pretend to be anything they wish.

Taking your relationship further

Take it slow, friendships and relationships take time to develop, and NZDating is the perfect vehicle to stay anonymous and learn a lot about people before meeting them. Rushing the online portion of the relationship increases the risks that you don't know enough about the person and their moods. Earn each other's trust before taking it to the next level.

Requesting a second photo with different surroundings will give you a better feeling for the member and should prevent fake photos being used. The ability to scan photos is very common nowadays so any excuses of not providing photos may signal that they have something to hide.

Talking on the Phone

Wait until you are very comfortable with the other person before deciding to speak to each other on the phone. If they suggest it, take their number so you can make the call only when you are ready. In today's world even making a call can reveal your phone number (with caller ID). If you are still not 100% sure you may want to disable caller ID or use a public phone when calling.

Remember to listen to the person that answers and any background noise, always making sure they match what you already know about this person.

Meeting in Person

When you finally decide to meet, be sure to let your family or friends know where you are going and when you expect to return. Its always good to contact your family of friends before, during and after the meeting, so that they know you are alright, having to make contact with someone else also lets the person you are meeting know that you have friends looking out for you. It's always good to take a cell phone, that way you can arrange for your friends or family to call and check on you, rather than having to call someone yourself.
  • It's always best to meet in a public location with plenty of people around - restaurants and coffee shops are a good starting place. You should avoid meeting at a private home until you get to know the person well in a face to face environment.
  • If you are unsure of the meeting, going as part of a double date or arranging to meet the person with a friend provides an extra level of safety. Remember to let the person know beforehand and give them the option of bringing a friend.
  • If the person you are meeting is in another town or city, it may be better to meet in a city in between to reduce the hometown factor. If you must meet them in their city, choose a popular public location and arrange your own transport both there and back. Never give out details of where you are staying until you are sure of the person.
  • Never rely on the person you are meeting to get you home, if you do not take your own car be sure to take enough money to arrange your own transport.
  • If you decide to meet further, good signs are that they match their online persona, and introduce you to their friends, associates or family.

If you feel serious about a relationship, but are still unsure, you could both agree on a background check, these are generally provided by companies such as private investigators and would require certain details such as full name and date of birth for them to do the job. Please check your local phone book for such services.

Threatening Behaviour

Physical threats of any description are not allowed on NZDating. Please report any occurrence of threatening behaviour directed towards you. When letting us know of any threat please remember to include details of the preceding discussion in your email. Usually we notify the member that they are banned from NZDating and provide the email and logs to the user's Internet Service Provider (ISP). Any threats made using our systems will result in an instant ban from our Web site, and generally such abuse is also a violation of their internet Terms of Use and may result in their internet connection account being cancelled.

If you feel in danger

Report any attacks or physical threats to the Police. If the event took place using NZDating systems NZDating can help the Police by providing logs that may have recorded the event and can tell the Police which ISP the member uses. If the Police feel there is a real threat and the issue is serious enough they can obtain a court order which will allow the ISP to reveal the owner of the Internet account. Don't be embarrassed to contact the Police for advice if you feel you are in any danger, remember your safety should always come first.

NZDating is committed to providing a safe meeting place, and we welcome any suggestions on improving our systems.